The 4d8 Golem Generator

Inspired by Cacklecharm’s Cavern Beast Generator.

Material

1. Clay - (AC 6 [13], HD 10, immune to non-magical bludgeoning weapons) Ruddy clay sculpted in a rudimentary image of the creature it is meant to resemble.

2. Stone -  (AC 4 [15], HD 14, immune to non-magical weapons and attacks) Animated geometric statue that grinds as it moves.

3. Iron - (AC 2 [17], HD 18, immune to fire) Bulky, clanking automaton with eyes like burning coals.

4. Amber - (AC 6 [13], HD 8, immune to electricity, If attacked with metal weapons the attacker is shocked, save or drop weapon) Made of smooth, glossy amber crackling with tiny arcs of static electricity.

5. Crystal - (AC 4 [15], HD 7, half damage from magical attacks) Made of jagged, glowing, purple-white crystals. Bits of them levitate a few inches off the rest of the body.

6. Ice - (AC 7 [12], HD 5, healed by cold, double damage from fire) Slender, made from frosted elemental ice, spiky outcroppings along its joints or where its parts connect.

7. Flesh - (AC 8 [11], HD 9, immune to fire, cold, and electricity, damaged by healing magic) Made from patchwork corpse parts with spidering veins full of black blood.

8. Brass - (AC 0 [19], HD 20, if damaged by an edged weapon, emits a spurt of scalding steam, save or 2d6 damage, attacks deal 1d10 bonus damage from heat). Constructed with elaborate joints and mechanisms coursing with steam.

Body Type

1. Humanoid - 2x fist (2d6) + grab (2d4, breaks armor), can wield weapons

2. Cat -  2x claw (2d6), bite (1d10)

3. Serpent - 1x bite (2d8) + constriction (2d4 each round, STR check to escape)

4. Bird -  1x talons (1d6), 1x bite (1d10), flight

5. Insect - 1x bite (1d8), spiderclimb

6. Bull - 1x gore (2d6) and charge (20’ running start, double damage gore attack to all in the path)

7. Fish - 1x bite (1d10) + ram (save or be stunned for 1d3 rounds), swim

8. Chimera. Roll twice for body type and combine them.

Special Ability

1. Regeneration - The golem is able to reconfigure its body as you chip away at it, regenerating 3 hp per round.

2. Elemental Blast - The golem can fire a blast of elemental energy. Save vs. wands or take 1d8 damage.

3. Spells - The golem can cast one 3rd level spell OR two 2nd level spells per day. Spells are chosen randomly.

4. Self-Destruct - When the golem is killed (or given the order by its master), it explodes. Everyone within 10’ must save vs. breath weapons or take 3d6 damage.

5. Weapon Attachment - The golem has built-in weaponry. Weapon Type (1d4): 1. Spiked flail (1d6, reach) 2. Blade (1d8) 3. Sledgehammer (1d10, slow) 4. Ballista (2d6).

6. Energy Aura - The golem is surrounded by a field of elemental energy, dealing 1d4 damage per round to anyone in melee range. The element depends on the golem’s material (amber golems have crackling electricity, ice golems get swirling icy winds, etc).

7. Extra Limbs - The golem has an extra pair of limbs it can use to make an additional attack per round.

8. Shrapnel - The golem can launch pieces of itself as a missile attack (1d6), golem loses hp equal to half the attack’s damage each time this is used. 

Power Source (what to destroy to make the golem stop working)

1. Paper talisman inside the golem’s mouth.

2. Glowing rune scribed into the golem’s forehead.

3. Gemstone embedded in the golem’s back.

4. Tongue of flame burning inside the golem’s hollow chest.

5. Magic words. Speak them and the golem shuts down.

6. Amulet worn by the golem’s master.

7. Someone inside the golem controlling it like a mech.

8. Ghost possessing the golem as a vessel. It can be turned by a cleric to exorcise it.

Jackalopes

The elusive jackalope. Few have ever seen one, but those who have describe them as being like jackrabbits about the size of a small dog, with a stag’s antlers and a pair of razor-sharp fangs.

Hunters go after jackalopes for bragging rights. Royals hunt them to demonstrate their power. If the king hears you’ve killed a jackalope, he’ll offer you your weight in gold and your pick of his daughters for it. Of course, he'll also take credit for the kill.

Carrying a jackalope foot brings good luck and prosperity. Jackalope milk is a potent aphrodisiac and magical reagent. A jackalope's head above your mantle will ward off evil spirits from the household. Innkeepers all the world over commission taxidermists to fashion them fake jackalope heads, and every one of them makes up their own dramatic tale of their encounter with the beast.

Everyone can find a reason to hunt a jackalope.

Jackalopes are dangerously clever. They have very sensitive hearing, so it's difficult to get the drop on them. A good way to find out if a jackalope is around is to sing a song. Jackalopes will often answer back, singing in a voice like a male tenor.

Once you confirm a jackalope is near, you can draw it out with the scent of liquor. The little varmints love to drink, especially whiskey, and the chase will go much better for you if you're dealing with a drunk jackalope.

Not only are they clever, but they're extremely quick. They can keep pace with a riding horse at a sprint and can turn on a dime. The beasts are so agile that rough terrain won’t slow them down. A jackalope can jump through a crowded forest like an acrobat on the trapeze. They'll catch you in your own traps if you're not careful.

The jackalope’s incredible speed and long bounding leaps have led some to believe they can fly, and so jackalopes are sometimes falsely depicted as having feathered wings.

Jackalopes possess the ability to mimic just about any sound, and when they’re being chased by hunters they’ll try to throw them off the trail by shouting “There he goes!” or “He went that way!” in a human voice. If that doesn’t work, they’ll mimic the distressed cries of baby animals: wolves, bears, dragons, or whatever else to sic any dangerous animal nearby on you. 

If you’re good enough to chase the jackalope back to its hole, that’s when the hard part begins. When cornered, a jackalope will fight to the bloody end.

(From Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
Accurate depiction of a cornered jackalope

Jackalope

AC 2 [17] HD 3 (13 hp) Attacks 1 x bite (1d6) or 1 x gore (1d8) THAC0 17 [+2] MV 240’ (80’) SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (3) ML 2 or 12 (see below) AL Neutral XP 50 NA 1 TT None

Mimicry: Can mimic any sound, including human voices. Will mimic the cries of baby animals if pursued.

Skittish: Will run away from combat unless cornered, in which case it will fight to the death.

d12 Elvish Blades

Here are my twelve attempts to make some Elvish blades with cooler powers than the classic orc detectors.

Assume the names are translated from Elvish, so for their real names feel free to make up something with as many accent marks and apostrophes as you like.

1. Spell Eater. A jagged two-handed sword inscribed with flowing runes. When you are targeted with a spell you can make a save to parry it. The sword absorbs the spell and now you can cast it through the sword, delivering its effect with a touch from the blade. The sword can only hold one spell at a time.
The reflection on the blade reveals the spell within. A charm spell might show as dreamy pink clouds, while a fireball would appear as a raging inferno.

2. Snowfall. An icy white dagger forged from the first frosts of winter. The remains of anyone killed by this blade turn to snow and quickly melt away.

3. Mercy. A perfect silvery longsword with a hilt shaped like twining golden snakes. The blade can be touched to a character to cure wounds once a day, becoming more notched and dim as it takes on the damage itself. The sword has 25 hp.

4. Birdsong. A falchion with a guard shaped like an eagle in flight. The blade is extremely thin and light, and its strikes are so fast that the wind around it whistles. A swing of the sword can generate gusts of wind strong enough to snuff a torch.

5. Decay. A rapier with a basket hilt shaped like twisted thorny roses, created by a bitter elven prince who was banished from the realm of Faerie. It causes no physical damage, but destroys beauty. A cut from this blade can disfigure flesh, corrode jewelry, and make fine sculptures crumble to dust. 

6. Radiance. A broadsword forged from clear, razor-sharp crystal. When charged, the blade has a lurid white glow and deals fire damage on hit. The wielder can shoot a concentrated beam of sunlight from the blade, but doing so depletes the sword’s energy. To recharge it, the sword must bask in sunlight for a day.

7. Night’s Talon. A crescent dagger that is shadowy and near-translucent during the day, but becomes glittering silver at night. Damage caused by this blade does not take effect until the target is touched by moonlight.

8. Nymph Bane. A regal, opalescent longsword once used by the Pale Knight of the Winter Court to slay 999 water nymphs. Water fears this blade. Whoever openly wears it will find that water will not touch them. Raindrops will not fall on them even in a storm, and rivers and streams part to avoid their path.

9. Ghost. A scimitar made from sharpened obsidian with a subtle purple glow around its edge. The blade seamlessly passes through inorganic material, only damaging living things.

10. Autumn Leaves. A longsword with a hilt of white-barked branches that sprout golden leaves. Anyone struck by this blade must save or instantly age until they are old and gray. This effect also works on non-living things.

11. Sanguine. A red sabre decorated with golden flower engravings. An attack from this sword leaves wounds that bleed blood-red rose petals. The wounded character takes 1 damage per round until they staunch the flow.

12. Dryad's Embrace. A longsword of green metal with a hilt made from mossy wood. Whoever wields this sword is encased in a suit of armor made from living wood. The armor is as strong as steel plate but the wearer takes double damage from fire.

Goons

Goons are little green imps that physically cannot do anything right unless someone else tells them what to do.  Goons always have a Boss (Note that the Boss is never another goon). Most often it will be the wizard who created them, but goons will latch onto whoever is the biggest, baddest guy in the room, so it isn’t uncommon to find them working for a bandit captain, spymaster, or any intelligent monster larger than them.

They were originally created in the cauldron of some ancient sorcerer to be the perfect henchmen. It's debatable whether he was successful or not, but because of this goons cannot function without a boss to direct them. It's instinctual. Goons without a boss end up stuck in a loop:

"What do you think we should do?"

"I dunno, what do you think we should do?"

"I dunno, what do you think we should do?"

Repeat until death.

So goons are stupid, yes, but they are stupid in the way that computers are stupid. If you're a boss, you need to be VERY specific with instructions for them to get it. Any smart goon boss will supply the group with a list of instructions with simple diagrams just to be sure they don’t fuck up. If given good instructions, goons will carry them out with slavish precision. Your average wizard will think they're smart enough to handle them, so some still go about making goons.

The original procedure used to create goons is unknown, but wizards have come up with their own processes and get similar results. The general procedure involves mixing a bunch of reagents into a boiling cauldron of magic stew. Lots of eyes of newt, tongues of pig, feet of chicken, wings of bat, hair of spider, you get the idea. A batch of goons made by one wizard will be a bit different from another, but they still have the general characteristics.

Tests have been conducted to determine the biological makeup of goons. It seems that despite their goblin/imp appearance, they are more closely related to oozes. They don’t have bones or organs, their bodies are formed from the coagulated alchemical mixture from their creation process.

As such, they’re basically cartoons when it comes to most forms of mundane damage. Drop a boulder on one and he’ll spring back up like an accordion, shoot an arrow through one’s head and all you end up with is a slimy arrow, dice one into pieces and he’ll put himself back together. 

Their jellylike bodies can also squeeze through just about any opening, given enough time. 

They do have a few big weaknesses though. Aside from the whole "must follow orders" thing is their reaction with water. It makes them melt.

Goons can reproduce, but no one knows how they do it. If a group of goons survives long enough, the group just...gets bigger? Somehow? And the new ones are full-grown. It presumably has something to do with globs of their bodies sloughing off and reconstituting into new goons, but there’s no reason to ask where they came from because all you’ll get is an “Uhhhhhhhh....I dunno, bawss.”

Goon

AC 9 [10] HD 1* (4 hp) Attacks 1 x weapon (1d6) THAC0 19 (0) MV 60’ (20’) SV NH ML 12 AL Neutral XP 5 NA 2d4 TT None

Immunity: Unharmed by non-magical bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing weapons.

Jelly Body: Can squeeze through any opening 1” or larger.

Water Susceptibility: If a goon is doused with water, it melts.

Loyalty: Goons follow every order given by their Boss, to the letter. If goons witness someone defeat their Boss, that person becomes the new Boss.

d10 Goon Features:

1. Wrinkled pig snout, constantly sniffling.

2. Second, smaller head on top of the main one.

3. Big yellow saucer eyes. One of them is lazy.

4. One antler and one horn, each pointed in different directions.

5. Hooked beak. The goon talks like a parrot. (Rawk! Like a parrot! rrawk!)

6. Tail ending in an arrow point, like a devil.

7. Tiny useless bat wings.

8. Skin oozes sticky slime.

9. Scaly chicken legs.

10. Skin covered in warts, bumps, and boils.