The 4d8 Golem Generator

Inspired by Cacklecharm’s Cavern Beast Generator.

Material

1. Clay - (AC 6 [13], HD 10, immune to non-magical bludgeoning weapons) Ruddy clay sculpted in a rudimentary image of the creature it is meant to resemble.

2. Stone -  (AC 4 [15], HD 14, immune to non-magical weapons and attacks) Animated geometric statue that grinds as it moves.

3. Iron - (AC 2 [17], HD 18, immune to fire) Bulky, clanking automaton with eyes like burning coals.

4. Amber - (AC 6 [13], HD 8, immune to electricity, If attacked with metal weapons the attacker is shocked, save or drop weapon) Made of smooth, glossy amber crackling with tiny arcs of static electricity.

5. Crystal - (AC 4 [15], HD 7, half damage from magical attacks) Made of jagged, glowing, purple-white crystals. Bits of them levitate a few inches off the rest of the body.

6. Ice - (AC 7 [12], HD 5, healed by cold, double damage from fire) Slender, made from frosted elemental ice, spiky outcroppings along its joints or where its parts connect.

7. Flesh - (AC 8 [11], HD 9, immune to fire, cold, and electricity, damaged by healing magic) Made from patchwork corpse parts with spidering veins full of black blood.

8. Brass - (AC 0 [19], HD 20, if damaged by an edged weapon, emits a spurt of scalding steam, save or 2d6 damage, attacks deal 1d10 bonus damage from heat). Constructed with elaborate joints and mechanisms coursing with steam.

Body Type

1. Humanoid - 2x fist (2d6) + grab (2d4, breaks armor), can wield weapons

2. Cat -  2x claw (2d6), bite (1d10)

3. Serpent - 1x bite (2d8) + constriction (2d4 each round, STR check to escape)

4. Bird -  1x talons (1d6), 1x bite (1d10), flight

5. Insect - 1x bite (1d8), spiderclimb

6. Bull - 1x gore (2d6) and charge (20’ running start, double damage gore attack to all in the path)

7. Fish - 1x bite (1d10) + ram (save or be stunned for 1d3 rounds), swim

8. Chimera. Roll twice for body type and combine them.

Special Ability

1. Regeneration - The golem is able to reconfigure its body as you chip away at it, regenerating 3 hp per round.

2. Elemental Blast - The golem can fire a blast of elemental energy. Save vs. wands or take 1d8 damage.

3. Spells - The golem can cast one 3rd level spell OR two 2nd level spells per day. Spells are chosen randomly.

4. Self-Destruct - When the golem is killed (or given the order by its master), it explodes. Everyone within 10’ must save vs. breath weapons or take 3d6 damage.

5. Weapon Attachment - The golem has built-in weaponry. Weapon Type (1d4): 1. Spiked flail (1d6, reach) 2. Blade (1d8) 3. Sledgehammer (1d10, slow) 4. Ballista (2d6).

6. Energy Aura - The golem is surrounded by a field of elemental energy, dealing 1d4 damage per round to anyone in melee range. The element depends on the golem’s material (amber golems have crackling electricity, ice golems get swirling icy winds, etc).

7. Extra Limbs - The golem has an extra pair of limbs it can use to make an additional attack per round.

8. Shrapnel - The golem can launch pieces of itself as a missile attack (1d6), golem loses hp equal to half the attack’s damage each time this is used. 

Power Source (what to destroy to make the golem stop working)

1. Paper talisman inside the golem’s mouth.

2. Glowing rune scribed into the golem’s forehead.

3. Gemstone embedded in the golem’s back.

4. Tongue of flame burning inside the golem’s hollow chest.

5. Magic words. Speak them and the golem shuts down.

6. Amulet worn by the golem’s master.

7. Someone inside the golem controlling it like a mech.

8. Ghost possessing the golem as a vessel. It can be turned by a cleric to exorcise it.

Jackalopes

The elusive jackalope. Few have ever seen one, but those who have describe them as being like jackrabbits about the size of a small dog, with a stag’s antlers and a pair of razor-sharp fangs.

Hunters go after jackalopes for bragging rights. Royals hunt them to demonstrate their power. If the king hears you’ve killed a jackalope, he’ll offer you your weight in gold and your pick of his daughters for it. Of course, he'll also take credit for the kill.

Carrying a jackalope foot brings good luck and prosperity. Jackalope milk is a potent aphrodisiac and magical reagent. A jackalope's head above your mantle will ward off evil spirits from the household. Innkeepers all the world over commission taxidermists to fashion them fake jackalope heads, and every one of them makes up their own dramatic tale of their encounter with the beast.

Everyone can find a reason to hunt a jackalope.

Jackalopes are dangerously clever. They have very sensitive hearing, so it's difficult to get the drop on them. A good way to find out if a jackalope is around is to sing a song. Jackalopes will often answer back, singing in a voice like a male tenor.

Once you confirm a jackalope is near, you can draw it out with the scent of liquor. The little varmints love to drink, especially whiskey, and the chase will go much better for you if you're dealing with a drunk jackalope.

Not only are they clever, but they're extremely quick. They can keep pace with a riding horse at a sprint and can turn on a dime. The beasts are so agile that rough terrain won’t slow them down. A jackalope can jump through a crowded forest like an acrobat on the trapeze. They'll catch you in your own traps if you're not careful.

The jackalope’s incredible speed and long bounding leaps have led some to believe they can fly, and so jackalopes are sometimes falsely depicted as having feathered wings.

Jackalopes possess the ability to mimic just about any sound, and when they’re being chased by hunters they’ll try to throw them off the trail by shouting “There he goes!” or “He went that way!” in a human voice. If that doesn’t work, they’ll mimic the distressed cries of baby animals: wolves, bears, dragons, or whatever else to sic any dangerous animal nearby on you. 

If you’re good enough to chase the jackalope back to its hole, that’s when the hard part begins. When cornered, a jackalope will fight to the bloody end.

(From Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
Accurate depiction of a cornered jackalope

Jackalope

AC 2 [17] HD 3 (13 hp) Attacks 1 x bite (1d6) or 1 x gore (1d8) THAC0 17 [+2] MV 240’ (80’) SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (3) ML 2 or 12 (see below) AL Neutral XP 50 NA 1 TT None

Mimicry: Can mimic any sound, including human voices. Will mimic the cries of baby animals if pursued.

Skittish: Will run away from combat unless cornered, in which case it will fight to the death.

d12 Elvish Blades

Here are my twelve attempts to make some Elvish blades with cooler powers than the classic orc detectors.

Assume the names are translated from Elvish, so for their real names feel free to make up something with as many accent marks and apostrophes as you like.

1. Spell Eater. A jagged two-handed sword inscribed with flowing runes. When you are targeted with a spell you can make a save to parry it. The sword absorbs the spell and now you can cast it through the sword, delivering its effect with a touch from the blade. The sword can only hold one spell at a time.
The reflection on the blade reveals the spell within. A charm spell might show as dreamy pink clouds, while a fireball would appear as a raging inferno.

2. Snowfall. An icy white dagger forged from the first frosts of winter. The remains of anyone killed by this blade turn to snow and quickly melt away.

3. Mercy. A perfect silvery longsword with a hilt shaped like twining golden snakes. The blade can be touched to a character to cure wounds once a day, becoming more notched and dim as it takes on the damage itself. The sword has 25 hp.

4. Birdsong. A falchion with a guard shaped like an eagle in flight. The blade is extremely thin and light, and its strikes are so fast that the wind around it whistles. A swing of the sword can generate gusts of wind strong enough to snuff a torch.

5. Decay. A rapier with a basket hilt shaped like twisted thorny roses, created by a bitter elven prince who was banished from the realm of Faerie. It causes no physical damage, but destroys beauty. A cut from this blade can disfigure flesh, corrode jewelry, and make fine sculptures crumble to dust. 

6. Radiance. A broadsword forged from clear, razor-sharp crystal. When charged, the blade has a lurid white glow and deals fire damage on hit. The wielder can shoot a concentrated beam of sunlight from the blade, but doing so depletes the sword’s energy. To recharge it, the sword must bask in sunlight for a day.

7. Night’s Talon. A crescent dagger that is shadowy and near-translucent during the day, but becomes glittering silver at night. Damage caused by this blade does not take effect until the target is touched by moonlight.

8. Nymph Bane. A regal, opalescent longsword once used by the Pale Knight of the Winter Court to slay 999 water nymphs. Water fears this blade. Whoever openly wears it will find that water will not touch them. Raindrops will not fall on them even in a storm, and rivers and streams part to avoid their path.

9. Ghost. A scimitar made from sharpened obsidian with a subtle purple glow around its edge. The blade seamlessly passes through inorganic material, only damaging living things.

10. Autumn Leaves. A longsword with a hilt of white-barked branches that sprout golden leaves. Anyone struck by this blade must save or instantly age until they are old and gray. This effect also works on non-living things.

11. Sanguine. A red sabre decorated with golden flower engravings. An attack from this sword leaves wounds that bleed blood-red rose petals. The wounded character takes 1 damage per round until they staunch the flow.

12. Dryad's Embrace. A longsword of green metal with a hilt made from mossy wood. Whoever wields this sword is encased in a suit of armor made from living wood. The armor is as strong as steel plate but the wearer takes double damage from fire.

Goons

Goons are little green imps that physically cannot do anything right unless someone else tells them what to do.  Goons always have a Boss (Note that the Boss is never another goon). Most often it will be the wizard who created them, but goons will latch onto whoever is the biggest, baddest guy in the room, so it isn’t uncommon to find them working for a bandit captain, spymaster, or any intelligent monster larger than them.

They were originally created in the cauldron of some ancient sorcerer to be the perfect henchmen. It's debatable whether he was successful or not, but because of this goons cannot function without a boss to direct them. It's instinctual. Goons without a boss end up stuck in a loop:

"What do you think we should do?"

"I dunno, what do you think we should do?"

"I dunno, what do you think we should do?"

Repeat until death.

So goons are stupid, yes, but they are stupid in the way that computers are stupid. If you're a boss, you need to be VERY specific with instructions for them to get it. Any smart goon boss will supply the group with a list of instructions with simple diagrams just to be sure they don’t fuck up. If given good instructions, goons will carry them out with slavish precision. Your average wizard will think they're smart enough to handle them, so some still go about making goons.

The original procedure used to create goons is unknown, but wizards have come up with their own processes and get similar results. The general procedure involves mixing a bunch of reagents into a boiling cauldron of magic stew. Lots of eyes of newt, tongues of pig, feet of chicken, wings of bat, hair of spider, you get the idea. A batch of goons made by one wizard will be a bit different from another, but they still have the general characteristics.

Tests have been conducted to determine the biological makeup of goons. It seems that despite their goblin/imp appearance, they are more closely related to oozes. They don’t have bones or organs, their bodies are formed from the coagulated alchemical mixture from their creation process.

As such, they’re basically cartoons when it comes to most forms of mundane damage. Drop a boulder on one and he’ll spring back up like an accordion, shoot an arrow through one’s head and all you end up with is a slimy arrow, dice one into pieces and he’ll put himself back together. 

Their jellylike bodies can also squeeze through just about any opening, given enough time. 

They do have a few big weaknesses though. Aside from the whole "must follow orders" thing is their reaction with water. It makes them melt.

Goons can reproduce, but no one knows how they do it. If a group of goons survives long enough, the group just...gets bigger? Somehow? And the new ones are full-grown. It presumably has something to do with globs of their bodies sloughing off and reconstituting into new goons, but there’s no reason to ask where they came from because all you’ll get is an “Uhhhhhhhh....I dunno, bawss.”

Goon

AC 9 [10] HD 1* (4 hp) Attacks 1 x weapon (1d6) THAC0 19 (0) MV 60’ (20’) SV NH ML 12 AL Neutral XP 5 NA 2d4 TT None

Immunity: Unharmed by non-magical bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing weapons.

Jelly Body: Can squeeze through any opening 1” or larger.

Water Susceptibility: If a goon is doused with water, it melts.

Loyalty: Goons follow every order given by their Boss, to the letter. If goons witness someone defeat their Boss, that person becomes the new Boss.

d10 Goon Features:

1. Wrinkled pig snout, constantly sniffling.

2. Second, smaller head on top of the main one.

3. Big yellow saucer eyes. One of them is lazy.

4. One antler and one horn, each pointed in different directions.

5. Hooked beak. The goon talks like a parrot. (Rawk! Like a parrot! rrawk!)

6. Tail ending in an arrow point, like a devil.

7. Tiny useless bat wings.

8. Skin oozes sticky slime.

9. Scaly chicken legs.

10. Skin covered in warts, bumps, and boils.

d20 Dwarven Beers

 I’ve been playing Deep Rock Galactic lately. Before any mission in the game, you can stop at the bar for a drink (as any red-blooded dwarf should). Some of the beers they serve give you stat boosts and other beneficial effects for missions, but most are just fun/weird.

So, inspired by DRG, here are 20 Dwarven beers. Like potions, but dwarfier!

From Deep Rock Galactic

1. Black Lotus Stout: Blue-black, creamy, tastes like bitter dark chocolate. You vomit up your soul. While your body is blacked out, you exist as an invisible ghost. Can be force-fed to a possessed person to exorcise a spirit. Lasts 10 minutes.

2. Barber’s Bock: Smells like aftershave and burns your throat. You grow a 10' beard. You can manipulate the beard like a clumsy extra limb, but it’s too slow to attack. Lasts 30 minutes, then the beard falls out (unless you’re a dwarf, then it just gets shorter).

3. Golden Griffon: Sweet citrus smell. Light, fizzy, tangy. You become light as a feather and with a jump or a push you can float around like a drunken, air-filled balloon. 1-in-6 chance each round to burp and go flying in a random direction. Lasts 10 minutes.

4. Stormgut Ale: Very bubbly. After drinking, you spend a round letting out a thunderous belch as you deflate like a balloon, becoming a floppy pile of skin. You can still crawl around, just slowly. Lasts 30 minutes.

5. Firefly Blonde: Amber colored, subtle glow, goes down like warm honey. Your body glows a warm yellow, shedding light out to 10 ft. Open your mouth for a focused spotlight. Lasts 30 minutes.

6. Dragon Snout Stout: Red-gold, smells like metal. You can sniff out any gold nearby. Lasts 30 minutes.

7. Devil’s Tongue: Smells like animal musk. You speak in slurred gibberish that animals can perfectly understand. Lasts 10 minutes.

8. Stoneskin Malt: Earthy, wet cement texture. You pass out for 1d6+6 rounds. Your body is invulnerable until you wake up.

9. Blue Salamander: Frosty mist, numbing minty taste. Your skin turns blue and your teeth chatter incessantly. You are immune to fire and heat. Pour the beer on the ground for a slick sheet of ice. Lasts 30 minutes.

10. Magnetite Ale: Looks like foamy quicksilver, Greasy electrical smell, oily, tingles like static. You become magnetized. Any nearby metal objects lighter than you are pulled towards you. If a metal object is heavier than you, you are pulled to it. Lasts 30 minutes.

11. Perjurer’s Poison: Anyone that drinks this becomes too drunk to knowingly tell a lie. Lasts 10 minutes, after which the drinker passes out.

12. Displacer Brew: Looks like the inside of a lava lamp. Once per turn, you teleport to a random location within 60ft. Lasts 30 minutes.

13. Headstrong Stout: Bubbly, smell opens your airways. You are immune to all mind reading, charms, fear, and psychic attacks. Lasts 1d6 hours.

14. Iron Gut. Smells like rust. You can eat anything with no ill effects. Lasts 30 minutes.

15. Brimstone Brew. Yellow-green, stinks like sulfur. Thick black smoke billows out of your mouth. Lasts 30 minutes.

16.  Legend’s Lager. Sparkling gold, buttery, warm. The smell brings memories of battles you never experienced, of dwarves and goblins and digging too deep. You gain the stats of a 6th level dwarf. When the drink’s effect ends, you pass out for 1d6 hours. When you wake up, you will have forgotten everything you did while you were drunk.

17. Blood of the Mountain. Warm red color, earthy. Drinking it feels like a religious experience. It heals all wounds and ailments.

18.  Alchemist’s Special. Octarine color, magical sparkles, flavor cycles through the taste spectrum as you drink it. Has the effects of two random potions.

19.  Strong-in-the-Arm. Smells like sweat, musty, sour. Your Strength is doubled for the duration. When the drink’s effect ends, your Strength score is halved until you rest. Lasts 10 minutes.

20. Armok’s Breath. Smells of incense and holy oils. Your breath turns undead as a 5th level cleric, but cannot destroy them. Lasts 30 minutes.

d20 Magic Wand Malfunctions

Here's a d20 table of mostly negative modifiers you can apply to magic wands to make them a little more interesting. Some of these effects are more suited to blasty wands, but most can apply to wands of any type.

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1. Overcharged. When used, it fires off all its charges until empty. Strength check to keep control of it, otherwise it wrestles from your grip and bounces around shooting wildly. An overcharged wand will usually have an “aura” based on its effect; a wand of fireballs causes the air to shimmer around it, a wand of cold sheds icy mist, etc.

2. Extra-Strength. Can only hold one charge at a time. When you cast its spell, it deals maximum damage, but you must save vs. wands or be blown backwards, knocked prone, and deafened for 1d6 rounds.

3. Two-sided. The spell shoots out of both ends.

4. Crooked. No matter how you try to aim it, the wand’s target is always random.

5. Forceful. Each time you fire off a spell, make a Strength check. If you fail, the kickback knocks the wand out of your hand.

6. Dim. After expending a charge, you can’t use the wand again unless you spend 1 round shaking it.

7. Explosive. The wand emits a low electrical hum and is laced with cracks leaking magical light. When you attempt to use the wand, it explodes.

8. Fragile. 1-in-6 chance every use to break into a million little pieces.

9. Hungry. The wand has no charges of its own. The only way to charge it is to have a magic-user feed their own magical energy into the wand (1 spell slot = 1 charge).

10. Blinding. When used, the wand’s tip releases a flash of light. Everyone nearby must save vs. wands or be blinded for 1d6 rounds.

11. Leaking. Leaves the air feeling greasy and tingly around it. The wand loses 1 charge per hour.

12. Fickle. Only works...(d6): 1. in direct sunlight 2. at night 3. underground 4. underwater 5. when no-one is looking 6. when it’s quiet.

13. Interference. Spells cast within 15’ of the wand have a 1-in-6 chance to fizzle.

14. Double. The wand is split into two prongs. When used, each tip fires its spell (you can choose two different targets), but each spell is only half as effective.

15. Flammable. Warm to the touch. 1-in-6 chance each use to burst into flames.

16. Sluggish. Takes 1d4 rounds to activate when you attempt to use it.

17. Sentient. The wand has a personality. It is...(d4):

1. Pacifistic. It won't work if you intend to directly harm someone.

2. Sadistic. It will only work when used to cause direct harm.

3. Heroic. It will only use its powers to do good and smite evil. Its judgment is that of a lawful stupid paladin.

4. Defeatist. It only works if it's on the winning side of a conflict.

18. Vampiric. The wand has unlimited charges, but each time you use it, you take 1 HD of damage as it siphons your life-force for fuel.

19. Sickening. The wand’s magic makes your head swim and your stomach turn. Every time you use it, make a save vs. wands or spend 1 round vomiting. 

20. “Fixed”. The two once-broken halves of this wand have been reattached with string or glue. It only works half the time.